Lessons learned from vacation!

Hi all....

I am chiming in quickly as I had plenty of time to reflect on the drive home from our vacation with Autism.  Three hours of kids asking, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

I gotta tell ya all, our vacation had ups and downs but geez, I learned a lot about my JB.  He is quite the thrill seeker.  The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk was a dream for him.  He went on every ride he could, which was truly all of them, and there was no fear!  But let's talk about lines....in the beginning, waiting in a line was quite difficult.  A lot of yelling and screaming but once JB realized and understood that was what it would take to get on a ride, he became a lot calmer and more willing to wait.  The waiting was worth it for him!  That is a huge step forward because patience is something JB lacks.

Eating was an issue.  He was not willing to give up his fun for food.  Yet, when he was hungry he was #hangry!  Oh man, that kid would yell at us.  Tell us how dumb we were and that we were the worst parents in the world.  I know it's hard to believe that but people, it's true.....He screamed at us, telling me that I was nothing but a fat mom.  Telling dad that he was the worst dad ever.  He needed food but would not eat because he didn't want to miss out on any fun!  I packed snacks but they didn't suffice really.....

We also hit the beach.  JB was having a great time until he got knocked over by a wave.  In fact, the tide dragged him under...and dad had to rush in to pull him out.  That was it for JB, he was done!  I felt bad because our daughter wanted to stay at the beach....we chose to leave because of JB.  We headed back to the rides.  And even when he was there......he couldn't come back from his beach experience as quickly as hoped.  We decided he was #hangry, so we made a deal....eat first then rides.

SO.....you want to know what we learned?????   Not just what happened right?  Well, I needed to build up to it....give you some behind the scenes.  I learned that I have a lot to learn.  My hubby and I both do.  Everything we do with Autism is new, and the way people react towards what they see is difficult to take in because they just don't know....

SO.......

1) I learned to just let it go. (to Elsafy it)...it is what it is and the only thing that matters is that moment with my family.  No one else matters, their thoughts don't matter, their looks mean nothing.  

2) Plan meals....and be more specific with JB, so he knows what is expected of him.  Let him know that eating is a must do!  I think we will stay at a closer hotel so we can walk back and forth easily....lessening distractions.

3) My hubby and I should have split up.  Our daughter wanted to stay at the beach and play in the waves.  We should have split up so that she could have had her time....but we didn't think about that, until later....

4) We learned that the word "NO" is something that JB needs to understand.....when we say no, we mean no and that is that!

5)  We also learned that moving quickly helps push through a behavior.  If a behavior is happening, we need to be aware and keep moving...giving JB something else to focus on!

BUT.....

Despite all this crap that I just discussed......the good outweighed the bad.  I learned that Autism can handle a vacation.  That change in routine is sometimes okay.  That I need to really not sweat the small stuff and focus on simple things so we don't overdo or push too hard!  Simple plans are the best plans....go with JB's flow and that is okay!  But....I also learned that we don't have to do everything together...there are 4 of us.  An even number that is easily split!  I learned that my daughter also needs to do her thing....and that may mean, splitting the family up.  Is that okay?  I mean it's supposed to be a family vacation.....wake up, mom!  It's truly about happiness, allowing us all to have our moments!

We also learned that, YES, we deserved that vacation and that, YES, we need to do it more often because we all deserve it.  It was good for the soul and I felt happy, oh so happy!  It's amazing how life changes when you have kids (special needs or not).....seeing their joy makes a parent's heart happy.  To me, it was the best vacation ever....seeing my family happy was the purest joy and that's all I will ever want!

TTFN

Martha

Austism and Vacation

Hi all....

I really wanted to share today about the anxiety of going on vacation with an autistic child.  My husband and I have spent too many years in fear.  We have done nothing because we have worried about how JB will do if we go somewhere......At this point, we have made a decision and that decision being, we have been unfair to ourselves, to our daughter, and really to JB.  Everyone has missed out on having a good time TOGETHER!!!!

WE have missed out on important family time.  On time that we all need because mom and dad (my husband and I) have been scared.  We have been too scared to try....so worried about how JB will behave, having to pack all the right things, whether he will be able to adapt or not.  And yet, this summer, I am realizing that maybe this is so wrong.  We are missing out on life.  We are creating a negative experience for our daughter and really for JB, too.

So, we are headed on a vacation...our first one as a family without grandparents or anyone else.  A true family of 4 vacation.  And truth be told, I am scared.  There is so much to think about, so many worries.  First, I want to make sure I have enough medicine for JB.....if he doesn't have his seizure meds......what will happen?  Then, he needs so many different foods.....he doesn't like ANYTHING!  He eats NOTHING outside of Doritos, pop tarts, and Go-gurts on his own.  I feed him smoothies and Campbell's soups.....because he won't touch any utensils.   He will only drink boxed, strawberry Yoohoo......it's beyond crazy and yet, so much to plan for.  Why the hell am I planning a vacation when home is so much easier?????  I mean really!!!!!

But that is just it.....we ALL deserve something that is fun and worth doing.  We have to live life and have experiences that make memories.  Just because my son has Autism, well, that should not stop life.  It may make life difficult at times but he deserves to have experiences outside of therapy and school.  I get too worried about missing his therapy......I get too worried about how he will handle new experiences.  Who is at fault?  Me!  I cannot live in fear...SO, we will go on vacation.  Give our entire family a chance to have a life beyond therapy.....because it's real.  And it is a part of learning, really, learning to enjoy life and learning to have new experiences that are well deserved!

I am scared to death to take this chance but I am also very excited.  It is needed.....it is necessary.  And, we will roll with the punches because we have to.  And really,  my husband and I have to learn to let go...let things happen and just be there to guide.   Because that is how we all learn. Experiences are necessary for everybody for so many reasons!  Wish me luck!

TTFN
Martha