I am chiming in quickly as I had plenty of time to reflect on the drive home from our vacation with Autism. Three hours of kids asking, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
I gotta tell ya all, our vacation had ups and downs but geez, I learned a lot about my JB. He is quite the thrill seeker. The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk was a dream for him. He went on every ride he could, which was truly all of them, and there was no fear! But let's talk about lines....in the beginning, waiting in a line was quite difficult. A lot of yelling and screaming but once JB realized and understood that was what it would take to get on a ride, he became a lot calmer and more willing to wait. The waiting was worth it for him! That is a huge step forward because patience is something JB lacks.
Eating was an issue. He was not willing to give up his fun for food. Yet, when he was hungry he was #hangry! Oh man, that kid would yell at us. Tell us how dumb we were and that we were the worst parents in the world. I know it's hard to believe that but people, it's true.....He screamed at us, telling me that I was nothing but a fat mom. Telling dad that he was the worst dad ever. He needed food but would not eat because he didn't want to miss out on any fun! I packed snacks but they didn't suffice really.....
We also hit the beach. JB was having a great time until he got knocked over by a wave. In fact, the tide dragged him under...and dad had to rush in to pull him out. That was it for JB, he was done! I felt bad because our daughter wanted to stay at the beach....we chose to leave because of JB. We headed back to the rides. And even when he was there......he couldn't come back from his beach experience as quickly as hoped. We decided he was #hangry, so we made a deal....eat first then rides.
SO.....you want to know what we learned????? Not just what happened right? Well, I needed to build up to it....give you some behind the scenes. I learned that I have a lot to learn. My hubby and I both do. Everything we do with Autism is new, and the way people react towards what they see is difficult to take in because they just don't know....
SO.......
1) I learned to just let it go. (to Elsafy it)...it is what it is and the only thing that matters is that moment with my family. No one else matters, their thoughts don't matter, their looks mean nothing.
2) Plan meals....and be more specific with JB, so he knows what is expected of him. Let him know that eating is a must do! I think we will stay at a closer hotel so we can walk back and forth easily....lessening distractions.
3) My hubby and I should have split up. Our daughter wanted to stay at the beach and play in the waves. We should have split up so that she could have had her time....but we didn't think about that, until later....
4) We learned that the word "NO" is something that JB needs to understand.....when we say no, we mean no and that is that!
5) We also learned that moving quickly helps push through a behavior. If a behavior is happening, we need to be aware and keep moving...giving JB something else to focus on!
BUT.....
Despite all this crap that I just discussed......the good outweighed the bad. I learned that Autism can handle a vacation. That change in routine is sometimes okay. That I need to really not sweat the small stuff and focus on simple things so we don't overdo or push too hard! Simple plans are the best plans....go with JB's flow and that is okay! But....I also learned that we don't have to do everything together...there are 4 of us. An even number that is easily split! I learned that my daughter also needs to do her thing....and that may mean, splitting the family up. Is that okay? I mean it's supposed to be a family vacation.....wake up, mom! It's truly about happiness, allowing us all to have our moments!
We also learned that, YES, we deserved that vacation and that, YES, we need to do it more often because we all deserve it. It was good for the soul and I felt happy, oh so happy! It's amazing how life changes when you have kids (special needs or not).....seeing their joy makes a parent's heart happy. To me, it was the best vacation ever....seeing my family happy was the purest joy and that's all I will ever want!
TTFN
Martha
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