Is it embarrassment or shame?

Hi all...

Long time since I last blogged.  It's been hard to write recently, just too tired.  It's go go go all the time and I know I am not alone in that feeling!  But I really need to write today.  It's good for my soul....and I am compelled to write because of an incident that my wonderful friend had.

You see, she was getting her kids a haircut while another mom and her child were doing the same.  That child was screaming....and the mom felt bad.  In fact, she found it necessary to tell my friend that this was because her child was autistic.  It made my friend sad....it made me cry!  I get it....I so get it.  That feeling of needing to explain.  That feeling of, "What are others thinking?"  That feeling of,  "I am doing the best I can!"

Is this shame?  is this embarrassment?  I don't know.....so then, what is it?  I am not ashamed in anyway but do I think I am being shamed in my ability to parent????  By outsiders, sometimes I think so!  Do I feel embarrassed at times?  Absolutely!  In fact, I can remember a time in Target when JB was having a tantrum.  An older woman had to tell me how to discipline my child.  I have to say, I really believe her intention was to help.  Yet it also belittled me.  Like I can't take care of my own kid.  I instantly said, "My kid is autistic!"  Like I had to defend myself....WHY???  Is it because we are lead to believe that if we cannot control our kids, then we are not good parents?  Or maybe it's that people don't understand.  What works for one child does not work for another, then you add autism into the mix and that's a new can of worms!

So...how do we solve this problem?  How do we get to the point where parents don't have to explain themselves?  How do we moms get to the point where we don't need to feel like we have to explain things?  I guess it's just showing kindness.  I love that my friend's response to that mom, who probably needed a kind word, was simply a...."You're doing a great job, Mom!"  Just think, if every person simply said that one phrase to a mom in need of hearing it, then that rolls forward into a multitude of positive vibes.

Being a parent is hard.  Dealing with autism is hard....really hard!  It's easy to feel down in the dumps.  Far too easy! In fact, I feel down far more than anyone knows.  I am simply good at disguising things!  I dress up, put on make up, smile....see, hidden!  Look.....this is truth.  This is matter of fact!  I don't want to feel shamed.  I do not want to feel embarrassed!  But neither of those things will go away unless I change, unless we all change. The village has to to be aware and observant.  Listen, all I ask is that you know me.  That you know us!

Please know that a struggling parent may be dealing with far more than anyone ever knows!  So...I go back to my friend.  A kind word...pass it on!

TTFN
Martha