10 Years With Autism

 Hi all,

It's World Autism Day 2022.  Seems fitting for a blog and really to update it.  I gave up on writing, not sure why.  I guess partially because I was having a really hard time expressing myself....then Covid hit and my energy towards anything went down as that was a lot for everybody.

So here I am realizing that my life has been blessed with Autism for 10 years now.  It truly is a gift....sometimes the gift is hard.  But I am still lucky because my kid is amazingly gifted with a sense of humor and loving heart!

I think back to some of the things I went through in order to get services...one of those things was a class I had to take.  I remember the speaker asking me what I wanted and my response was simple, "Please let my son hold my hand."  At that time, he wouldn't and it hurt, even though I knew it wasn't his fault.  Today...we hold hands all the time!  It's pure joy but getting to this point was long...

I think everything with Autism is long...and that's hard.  We expect so much to be immediate without realizing that for some, it's a routine that has to happen over and over.  It might take months, maybe years...sometimes there are uphill battles.  Not just with the struggles of Autism but with what we expect as a family.  Do I get along with my husband all the time?  No!  Does he get along with me all the time?  No!  Does our relationship suffer with Autism? YES!  Absolutely yes!  Autism has taken a toll on life, on who I am and who my husband is!  It has changed who we are and how we have to live.

But maybe that's a mistake!  I do not ever want to bother anyone with my Autism issues nor do I think people understand really.  That doesn't mean others don't want to understand.  It doesn't mean they don't want to help.  For the first time in years, my husband and I went out for dinner.  WOW!  For the first time in years we went out on our anniversary.  Double WOW!

Those two days made me realize how important it is for us to give ourselves time.  That time helped me recharge....helped me be a better me.  Helped my mental health!  I was better for both of my kids which made our evenings after school easier as well.  I know as adults we cannot do this regularly but it sure makes me think.  If I am not good for me...then I am no good for anybody else.  I have spent too much time saying no to things out of fear of not wanting anyone else to deal with a behavior.  But I have never thought about how unfair that really is for me and my husband.

It's time for me to open up and let go...fear should not hold me back.  It should not dictate how we live.  And to be honest, the fear of a behavior, an Autism behavior (which I will write about more in a later post), has really ruled my life for far too long.  So in writing this blog and opening myself up to writing more, I make a promise to anyone out there who listens that I am going to try to do better by me!  It's an anniversary gift I can gift myself!

TTFN

Martha