Demands and Pressure

Hey Readers....

Have you you ever felt like you have too many demands placed on you?  Every little thing is too much pressure???

Usually, I am pretty easy going or at least I try to be.  But sometimes my plate, my cup very much over flows!  Autism has been tough this week.  JB has had night terrors, screaming bloody murder at least once every night.  And also a huge potty mouth....JB has always had a potty mouth but this week has been awful.  It's embarrassing but in reality, it's just a word.  The "F" word but again, just a word.  And when it's used appropriately, how can you fault that?  For me, you can't.....you ignore it and laugh, or cry, about it in the shower!

My daughter has also been an issue this week.  Seeking my attention in ways that are really negative.  I am trying so hard to be patient.  She is going through so much......changing hormones, dealing with autism.  It's a lot to ask of a child.  This week she has done things and said things to purposely hurt me.  I work hard to make sure she is good.....I try to give her attention in subtle ways, it's not enough.  Sometimes that makes you feel like a failure.

My husband is dealing with things himself.  One of those things is fear that he CAN'T do it.  That he cannot handle the stress of autism.  But I give him a lot of credit because he has finally decided to see a doctor.....seeing that doctor has changed his attitude a bit, he is calmer and more tolerant.  It's a process to understand that things won't be what you imagined for yourself.  See, it's weird because even though you imagined life one way....doesn't mean that it won't be that way.  It's just different and there ain't anything wrong with different.

SO...let's get back to that thing about demands and pressure.  I am really good at hanging in there and staying positive.  I am really good at putting on a happy face.  I am pretty good at taking care of everybody, well, except myself.  And sometimes the simplest thing....makes me lose it!  This week it was a cancelled doctor's appointment.  I am trying to take care of myself......I want to.   Then this....it set me off.  It lit my fuse!  It's like I hold it all in then one tiny thing just really hits me and everything is a disaster or stresses me to the point that I cry and say things that make me seem weak!  Like I have no confidence.  Truth is, I don't....but I sure am good at faking it!  Ya know, a friend tweeted something that resonated with me.....she said that you cannot say yes to everything especially when you can't be effective.  It's not that I say yes....it's that I just do even when I can't.  Because my energy and stress level builds up, then the demands and pressures become too much to handle.  I have to find the happy medium and take time to make sure I am okay too.  But that leaves me with a burning question.....How do I do that?  My schedule, therapy not gonna change......How do I do that?

TTFN
Martha