A New Home

Hello there...

Long time, no write.  The loss of my mom.....it's really made many things difficult.  I am not able to write...I am not interested in reading.....and now the holidays are here, birthdays are here....and they are all without her for the first time.

Life still goes on.  And autism does not stop.....so honestly, grieving the loss of my mom has had to wait....doesn't that sound crazy?  But it is the truth!

Right now, JB's favorite escape is telling me he wants a new family.  JB doesn't take "NO" for an answer.  Instead he will continue to ask...almost nag.....until he gets his way.  There are many times I so want to give in because I am so over it.  But I know I have to stay the course.  It is what is best for JB.

His new thing is to tell me he wants a new family.  He will open the garage door and run.  This past week, I have chased him around the court 5 different times.  And that's just this past week!  Luckily, JB has low muscle tone and running pace for him is really the same pace as an adult walk.  But I just trail him.....until he decides that maybe home is an ok place to be (he can get spaghettio's at home).

Home is hard.  I love my son....I would never in the world change what he is and who he is.  But that autism...the snap.....it's complicated and complicated is difficult.  You need time to decompress and I don't get that ever.  My hubby and I work opposite schedules to make things work.  I can't always get a sitter....when mom was here, it was easier but now I have to rely on someone else's schedule who is now not as available as before.  And even before that, I never asked anyone for help because I just never wanted anyone to deal with JB's behaviors.  Now I am realizing.....I am going batty. Like really batty.  Sometimes, my mind says....I want a new home too!

Alright, so what do you do?  I don't know.  I wish I had answers.  But......many people/friends have said, "find time for you"....it's hard, so very hard.  I always worry.  And I would rather not.  But I gotta figure it all out....JB may continue in his ways for years but I can change mine now.  Just do it......take those first steps mom....just do it.  I can hear my mom in my ear telling me that I am important too....Here is my promise to whoever is listening, whoever cares.....I am going to work on me so I can be better for everyone else.

TTFN
Martha