Don't apologize!

Hi

I wrote in a past blog that if you met one child with autism, then truly you have met ONE child with autism.  You see, autism is different for every child.  Maybe that is why there is no cure at this point.  And then, maybe that's why we don't really know for sure what causes autism.  The brain works in mysterious ways!

There are many "theories" about what causes autism.  But in the grand scheme of things.....does that take away my guilt as a mother.  Yes....you heard me right.  Guilt.....I have spent 5 years asking why and how.....I have read reports and talked to doctors.  Was it vaccines?  I don't know......Was it the fact that I had the flu during my first trimester?.....I don't know.  Is there concrete evidence?....I don't know.  And I am not sure that I want to know......because it doesn't really matter.  I mean, autism is here and it sure the hell ain't going anywhere.

And, I have had many experiences with whether or not my child actually had autism.  In the beginning doctors said no, then they said yes.  Which is it?  He made no eye contact, he didn't answer to his name, he wasn't making his milestones.  But I was told that boys are slower in development and the thing is, I couldn't compare my son to my daughter really because she was speaking full sentences at 9 months old.  Yes....she has always been a talker, folks!  So what do you do?  You know something is wrong.....as a mom, you have that intuition.  And a friends' prodding only furthered my questions.  In reality,  I knew something was wrong.  So I kept asking questions.....I probably got super annoying but I had to!

Speeding up to the present.......I have an acquaintance that is just now getting her son a true diagnosis of autism.....he is 11.  11 folks......yes, 11!  And it took a serious incident that showed he was a danger to himself and others.  Here is what is heartbreaking, a mom was told that autistic kids don't show remorse so no way does her kid have autism.  Really?  That is heartbreaking my friends.

You see.....autistic kids are loving, smart, remorseful, aware, funny, happy, sad, angry, etc.....do you recognize those feelings within yourself?   I do.  I see these things in my kid....who is autistic.  Hearing this moms story for me was hurtful....because my kid is remorseful.  He always apologizes for his actions after having a behavior.....does that mean he is not autistic?  Absolutely not and I think that is one reason as to why we can't answer questions about autism.  Because one kid with autism is just one kid.....all brains work in different ways......I am happy my kid is remorseful.  It means he feels and thinks about his actions.  But really, I don't want him to apologize.  He can't help himself, he can't help how his brain sparks.......don't apologize! 

I will continue to repeat myself forever...that autism is a daily journey because it is.  My kid is autistic.  But autism is not who he is.  It's solely a piece of him.  My kid is everything I hope for him....he is funny, loving, adventurous......yes, we need help finding these pieces of him...he needs help expressing himself at the right time....but, the thing is that autism doesn't have him.  He has it!  My job is to get him the help he needs so he can function the way you and I do.

Getting that help is not always easy.  It is a fight for many parents.  It often takes months to get services and sometimes even years!  Doctors say early intervention is key........and it is.  So keep fighting parents.  Keep advocating because we are all they have......don't give in, don't give up.  Follow your heart and listen to your intuition.....keep asking questions.  You can do it!  It's not easy.....you don't always want to hear outcomes but you can do it.....your child needs you!

TTFN
Martha