The true meaning of normal.......

     Hi all,

     Today, I write really for my daughter.  A young lady who is struggling.  She has really been moody.  I mean, really MOODY.  She is ten and I am more than sure she is going through a lot of changes in many ways.  But recently, I have noticed more aggression than anything towards her brother.  Towards Autism. 

       AP screams at JB a lot anymore.  Especially when she is frustrated.   Recently, I witnessed  AP kicking JB after a game of hide-and-seek.  It was not gentle play.  At first, I was really mad but then my thoughts turned to why.

     When confronted, AP put on a sad face and tried to deny her actions.  So I asked her, "Do you want to talk about Autism?"  AP broke down and sobbed....she begged me not to ask her that question. The following interaction is true.....

"Mom, how can you ask me that?"

"Because I know it's not easy!  You have to get your feelings out!"

"I hate you!"

"You don't mean that!"

"I just want JB to be normal.  Like me!"

"Girl, what really is normal?"

Dr. Seuss said, "Why be normal, when you were born to stand out!"  

Maya Angelou said, "If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." 

     Things are not everyday normal in the Autism world.  But really, what is normal?  What we consider normal for ourselves could be considered completely abnormal to somebody else and vice versa.  For example: I am a huge Star Wars geek, I collect rock t-shirts, Minion trinkets, and Star Wars shirts.  I absolutely love anything Disney.  I have a collection of goodies by my desk area that make me look like a HUGE kid.  I love to sing songs but I make up my own words....Is that normal?????  Maybe, maybe not.  But it does make me....ME!  And I think I am pretty geeky awesome!  HA! HA!

     I guess that's just it. AP has to find a sense of normal that works for her.  She has to learn to accept and then deal with Autism in a way that is healthy and good for her.  We all have things in life we have to learn to handle but at 10, an Autistic brother is a lot.....of course, as her parent I need to help guide her, which we moms just seem to do automatically.....because we are moms and it's some built-in instinct thing.

    I have also challenged AP to write.  To write about what she thinks is normal and to write about what she finds great about her brother.  We, then, will have a meeting.....just to talk and to see where her ideas lead us.  "But it's more homework, mom!"  Yep, she's kinda right.  But it's a good start that will hopefully lead to good discussions!

TTFN

Martha

Demands and Pressure

Hey Readers....

Have you you ever felt like you have too many demands placed on you?  Every little thing is too much pressure???

Usually, I am pretty easy going or at least I try to be.  But sometimes my plate, my cup very much over flows!  Autism has been tough this week.  JB has had night terrors, screaming bloody murder at least once every night.  And also a huge potty mouth....JB has always had a potty mouth but this week has been awful.  It's embarrassing but in reality, it's just a word.  The "F" word but again, just a word.  And when it's used appropriately, how can you fault that?  For me, you can't.....you ignore it and laugh, or cry, about it in the shower!

My daughter has also been an issue this week.  Seeking my attention in ways that are really negative.  I am trying so hard to be patient.  She is going through so much......changing hormones, dealing with autism.  It's a lot to ask of a child.  This week she has done things and said things to purposely hurt me.  I work hard to make sure she is good.....I try to give her attention in subtle ways, it's not enough.  Sometimes that makes you feel like a failure.

My husband is dealing with things himself.  One of those things is fear that he CAN'T do it.  That he cannot handle the stress of autism.  But I give him a lot of credit because he has finally decided to see a doctor.....seeing that doctor has changed his attitude a bit, he is calmer and more tolerant.  It's a process to understand that things won't be what you imagined for yourself.  See, it's weird because even though you imagined life one way....doesn't mean that it won't be that way.  It's just different and there ain't anything wrong with different.

SO...let's get back to that thing about demands and pressure.  I am really good at hanging in there and staying positive.  I am really good at putting on a happy face.  I am pretty good at taking care of everybody, well, except myself.  And sometimes the simplest thing....makes me lose it!  This week it was a cancelled doctor's appointment.  I am trying to take care of myself......I want to.   Then this....it set me off.  It lit my fuse!  It's like I hold it all in then one tiny thing just really hits me and everything is a disaster or stresses me to the point that I cry and say things that make me seem weak!  Like I have no confidence.  Truth is, I don't....but I sure am good at faking it!  Ya know, a friend tweeted something that resonated with me.....she said that you cannot say yes to everything especially when you can't be effective.  It's not that I say yes....it's that I just do even when I can't.  Because my energy and stress level builds up, then the demands and pressures become too much to handle.  I have to find the happy medium and take time to make sure I am okay too.  But that leaves me with a burning question.....How do I do that?  My schedule, therapy not gonna change......How do I do that?

TTFN
Martha

How easy it is to forget!

Hi readers!

The New Year is upon us and many often reflect at this time......I actually wait to reflect until my birthday, which just so happens to be today (a week after the New Year).  My life is truly Autism.  It's wrapped up in all that I have to do and deal with.  Autism parents have tons on their plates.  Therapy, behaviors (that are sometimes extremely difficult and can last for hours), doctor's appointments......it's stressful because holding it together means losing it in other ways.  And then you have to think about siblings.....my poor daughter who says she is okay but in her face, I see pain....probably the same pain she sees in my face!  And that completely worries me.....

So what do I do about it?  Well maybe, I need to remember me.  A parent often puts themselves last on the list and when you have more to deal with, it's easy to just let yourself go.  It's easy to hide behind a smile or a new outfit or a new haircut......many often do this sort of thing because they just have to.  We all have our "thing"! But maybe that's the wrong way to go about things!

Today, I got to go out with my girlfriends......that's a really BIG deal.  I don't get to do that!  Leaving Autism is not easy.  Grandma and Grandpa cannot deal with the behaviors and being able to count on a sitter is hard because you don't trust just anybody.  What kid/teen can deal with Autism?  Then I have these wonderful friends who offer but, it's hard to let them because it really is a lot to ask.  Not sure they know what they are getting into and in my mind, I just cannot do that to them....and that's silly because things could be just fine! But the worry is there and that worry is also stressful. 

But today....oh, today!  Best. Day. Ever!!!!!  I had a sitter.....I went out with my girls and oh, we laughed and talked......we were girls hanging out!  I truly had forgotten how nice it was to just be me.  A me who deserves free time every once in awhile....a me who deserves to hang out with her girlfriends.....a me who deserves to be silly and say silly things.....I came home from my fun afternoon and honestly, it's all I can think about.  It's amazing how refreshed and good I feel.  Like I can take on Autism again.....maybe even the world!  What a great day!

In my world, it's easy to forget myself.  Then I have a day like today that reminds me how important these moments are.....remembering yourself, myself, is necessary and important.  I am better for me, for Autism, and everyone else.  So, for my birthday wish.....I hope to remember me.  It may only happen every once in a while but that's okay as long as I remember to "Just Do It"!

TTFN
Martha