So a local TV network asked for pictures from Disneyland today....I actually sent one in. And it was the first one they showed...but seeing the picture on TV really brought up feelings. Deep feelings. The last time my family went to Disneyland was right before JB got diagnosed with Autism. I can remember it so vividly. I remember how I was feeling. I just wanted JB to show some kind of emotion. But, he just was so complacent....not showing happiness nor sadness....I had been fighting so hard to find out what was wrong because I knew something was off...just completely off. As a mom, I kept digging for answers that I really did not want to hear but I couldn't just think of me....
So, let me just share that my cousin works for Disney. He got us tickets which I am so thankful for....hell, Disneyland is beyond expensive. He gave us a plan...where we should go first...then later....I think we spent most of our day though, at California Adventure....the perfect spot to meet Mickey. I remember it so clearly. Being close to last in line and begging the attendants to Mickey to make sure we could see him.....and it did happen.
For the first time, my boy showed emotion. Seeing Mickey sparked an emotion. He laughed, he smiled, he begged for more.....For me, it was the first time I had seen a reaction like that from JB. I cried...literally cried.....I was so touched by the time Mickey spent making my boy happy...that I cried.
Two weeks later...JB was diagnosed with Autism....
This is one of many favorite memories...so far. Seems silly but I can't help that....it has HUGE meaning for me. My boy showed emotion, something I thought would never happen. Something I thought was not possible. I was told that Autism meant no love....that a child with Autism couldn't show love. That is so not true.....
Kids with Autism show love in their own way. Love really is there, you just need to see it because it isn't always easy to see. This journey is hard. It is a riddle that you can't solve...but you must see the joy. JB cracks me up...daily. I don't always feel love from him....he says mean things, things that bring me down....but, he loves me. He knows that mom is his number one fan. He hurts me for that reason and then, he loves me for that reason. Love defeats the riddle...makes you not care about the riddle....the riddle of Autism is difficult. It is up and down. It makes you deal with things...hard things, tough things. But I would not have it any other way....because JB was meant for me and I was meant for him.
TTFN
Martha
