It's trying!

So today.....

Medicine is interesting.  I finally heard back from my son's doctor.  We are cutting back on the medicine he is currently taking for behavior......I hated that he was such a zombie.  But then his behavior......oh man.

Since we cut back, he has hit others and even threatened me.  In fact, yesterday he threatened me with a flashlight.  Just wanted to throw it at me. Why?  He hit a friend at school....in my mind, there should be a consequence for that so I took away his favorite video game.  That's when the threat to me happened. 

JB is 7.  Just 7.  Hearing your 7 year old threaten you is so difficult.  People do not understand and I often think they think I am exaggerating....I am not.  It's the hardest thing to deal with especially because just a few hours before, my son was telling me, "Mama you are so pretty, and kind!"

To me, it's both amazing and bizarre how an autistic mind works.  

So many people think it's just a tantrum or a kid being a brat. That's not the case at all.  Autistic kids have snaps.  Their brains don't work like yours or mine.  Their neurons spark differently.  Medicine is supposed to help.  For JB, it made him a zombie.  So this weekend we have cut back....that's when he threatened to hurt me....so then what?  Where is the happy medium?

There are no answers.  That's the hardest part for families.  No one really knows, no one can say for certain....if they could, then maybe there would be a cure but it's not that simple.  If you met one autistic kid, then you have met one autistic kid.  They are all different and unique in their own special way.  

So how do we fit into their world?  That, to me, is the the key! Be supportive, patient, understanding...realize that their intentions are not really to harm but that this may be the only way for them to communicate another issue.  It's hard to be patient.  It's hard to understand but you have to....you just have to!  

And it takes a village.  I so appreciate  my friends.  They listen, want to help......people need that.  They need a pick me up.  My life often needs a pick me up.  I hate that because that's so not me.....but I question my mothering, I question if I am doing the right thing, I question if I am paying enough attention to JB's sister.....she doesn't understand autism to its' entirety.  If it wasn't for friends, I am not sure where I would be....they send positive messages and advice that lifts me up.  And the silliness,  I need it because it makes me smile and brings me back to reality.  

Look, I am not trying to tell people what to do.  I am not trying to make people feel sorry for me.  I just want people to know that this is life in the autism realm.  It is not easy at all. Yet you have to keep going because you just have to.  Your kid needs you to.  You need to for you....

SO...I put my big girl pants on and do my best. 

Because my best is all I can do....

TTFN

Martha